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Enough Time Has Passed that I Can Now Talk About Tiling

June 15, 2011

With the bathroom floor now ready to be tiled, we set to doing just that.

 Most of it is a haze, I just remember getting mortar all over me and yelling at Jeff because he wanted the tiles THIS way and I wanted the tiles THAT way and if he was going to argue then he could DO IT ALL HIMSELF I AM HAVING A BEER. Then we put the floor in and were lovers again.

 Things I learned:

 1.      A wet saw is friggin’ awesome. But it is friggin’ messy. We used it on my balcony, which is far from water-tight. SOMEONE (it was Jeff) spilled the pitcher of refill water TWICE, which got all over and then splashed down all over my poor, stroke-injured downstairs neighbor’s balcony. Then we added lots of tile back-spray to further muddy things up. Note: it takes an hour to sort of clean your poor, stroke-injured downstairs neighbor’s balcony. And right after you clean it, SOMEONE will need to cut more tile.

2.      Even if you  measure twice, you will have to cut twice. Maybe a third time for that one stupid corner of the tub that keeps shifting itself just to piss you off and make you consider saying “fuck it, my floor is a mosaic now.”

It ended up not being a mosaic.

3.      Don’t walk on the tile. Even if it’s just for a quick second to wipe up a glob. You will end up with many globs to clean and a sarcastic boyfriend.

4.      Grouting is easy and looks great. But it will stick to your thigh and be hard to peel off. If you’re me, you’ll just leave it for a while. Magic eraser doesn’t take it off. (What. It worked on caulk.)

5.      Home renovation math goes like this: Take how long you think it will take and multiply it by 3. Then take how much you think it will cost and multiply it by 4. Be sure to include the cost of alcohol.

6.      You can totally just pee in the tub until you reinstall the toilet.

 Next: How Installing a Toilet Broke My Soul.




From → Bathroom

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